It started with the car. Ford Explorer. Hunter green. I loved it. It died. It threw a timing chain. Deader than dead. (I know. I sound like I know what I'm talking about, but I don't.) But I know the car died.
So we got a new car. Not new. But a lot newer than the one that died. This time it's a Jeep Grand Cherokee. Classy looking silver. That's almost as good as a hunter green Ford. It'll keep going...and going...and going.
Rob and I hang onto things until they just flat out give up the ghost. We held onto that Ford Explorer for (you won't believe this) 18 years.
But it's like the light bulbs in my house. All the light bulbs. I'm not kidding you. If the bulb in the sweet lamp sitting on my kitchen counter goes out, I know I need to make a light bulb run to restock because a lot of bulbs are going to go. And sure enough. Within 24 hours the back porch light goes. Then the front porch light gives it up. Then two bulbs in the dining room chandelier burn out. And then the bulb in the lamp in my bathroom gives it up. (What? You don't have a lamp in your bathroom? Shame!) I know you think I'm kidding, but seriously, it's amazing. I never knew light bulbs were programmed to band together and revolt against you like that.
So. Here's what's given it up in the last ninety days.
Our telephones. Yes. We have a land line and it's a three-phone system and no, I'm not ready to give it up. Are you kidding me? The phones don't ring. They do bird chirps. Bird chirps do not wake sleeping grandbabies. I love my land line telephone system. But guess what? Finding batteries for it is a joke.
My camera. The battery is toast. They tell me it's history. I think not. That one I'll fight.
My washer. Seriously. My washer. Ugh. It was not a cheap washer. It was a fancy, smancy
Whirlpool Calypso something or 'nother that was supposed to last forever. It didn't. Next washer will be a cheap washer that WILL last forever.
The stereo. Yep. It just stopped playing. I have about a million CD's I can't play. This includes my Christmas music. And my Christian music. And it includes my Brenda Lee, Connie Francis, Ricky Nelson and Elvis CD's. I can live with that. But it also includes my Kris Kristofferson and Willie Nelson and Waylon Jennings CD's. I cannot live with that.
My TV. Oh my word, my link to Survivor, American Idol and The Bachelor. Quality TV! My TV died two minutes after they announced the best picture of the year Oscar last Sunday night. Two minutes earlier would have really ticked me off. But still. A dead TV?
And to make it really sweet, the TV that died weighed about 300 pounds because, you know, Rob and I hang onto things until they give up the ghost. Of course we rushed right out and got a new flat screen TV that would fit into our entertainment center. 32-inch. It weighs 18 pounds. It looks ridiculous in our entertainment center, but my entertainment center isn't dead yet and I'm not ready to give it up.
Meantime, he talked me into helping him get the dinosaur out of the entertainment center so he could put the new one in. I pulled a major muscle in my back doing it. Two weeks later I can barely move without screaming. I'm not a happy camper about the whole death of the TV thing. No ma'am. Not happy about that one.
My DVD player gave it up two nights ago. OK. I can live with that one. It was a dual player. It played DVD's and VHS tapes. Some of you may have to Google VHS but I can tell you, Rob wasn't a happy camper because...you know...he has the whole Centennial movie series on VHS. He hasn't watched it in 15 years but if he wanted to...well...you know...the VHS player is deader than dead.
I'm not sure you can even buy a VHS player any more. I think it might be right up there with an 8-track player for your car. (If you had to Google VHS player, you are for sure going to have to Google 8-track player.)
That was an easy fix. I had a simple little DVD player hooked up to the TV in my bedroom that will play all the CSI, Justified and Sons of Anarchy seasons he's currently getting from Netflix.
(It's also going to work quite well with the Downtown Abbey seasons I'm getting ready to watch. :)
This one hurts my heart. My carpet steam cleaner has died. I cannot believe it. OK, the steam cleaner itself still works but it leaks like crazy and oh my word, my upholstery attachment gave it up. Rob says he can fix the steam cleaner for me but I'll have to give up the upholstery attachment. Be still my heart. I have all this stupid foo-foo white furniture I bought before it occurred to me that although MY kids were grown and gone, they were going to start reproducing and bring more little sticky fingered, marker waving, furniture ruining little angels into my perfectly clean house again.
And ready? This is a biggie. My computer is dying. Yes. My computer. It's not quite four years old but it's telling me to bite the bullet and choose.
Washer? There are laundromats nearby. And I have a gun. (kidding) ( really, I'm kidding. I don't have a gun) (yet)
VHS player? I'm thinking we could get a fortune for the Centennial series, on E-bay.
The stereo? We probably need to upgrade from that anyway. I don't think many people actually have a "stereo" any more. Sorry. I'm just not going to give up Kris Kristofferson. I'll figure that one out.
Steam cleaner? Maybe I can crochet something to cover up the furniture. You know. A giant doily. LOL
Computer? NOT NEGOTIABLE.
I can do without a lot of modern conveniences. But my computer is not one of those things.
Everything else can wait.
So. The devil has been working in my house. Big time. It's gotten to the point when something new breaks, I just sit down and laugh. Seriously, it's ridiculous that so many things would break or die in such a short amount of time.
I've started wandering around my house asking myself, what next?
But one thing I do know for sure...the devil isn't going to win this one. No way.