Sometimes, your heart just gets tugged at....

My little grandson Cameron is five now...has been for a month. He was only two years old (24 months, in baby language) when he was diagnosed with juvenile (Type I) diabetes. But of course you know that by now because it's been the subject of many of my posts.

Getting his blood glucose checked (finger pricks) and getting shots of insulin are just a part of his life and really, he was so young when he was diagnosed, he's doesn't remember not being diabetic.

If you've followed me for a while you know that one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life was the first shot of insulin I had to give him.

Looking back on it all, and after giving him hundreds and hundreds of shots, I wonder that I was so nervous and skittish about plunging that syringe into his little butt. I do it now without even thinking about it.

Cameron absolutely never reacts at all to either the finger prick or the shot. As a matter of fact, he's recently insisted that I let him do the finger prick himself. We do it with a very simple "gun" type thing and of course he's into guns and things that go bang, so I let him. All I need is that one little drop of blood so it doesn't matter which one of us makes it appear, and it seems to make him feel good when I let him know I think he's a big enough boy that he can do it himself.

Lord knows, it won't be long before he'll be testing and injecting himself all on his own.

Cameron is very much a five year old little boy. Adorable, full of energy and imagination. How I love to watch him when he goes off into his imaginary play world.

So yesterday morning I was totally unprepared for what happened.

He has to have his blood glucose checked before every meal. We have to know his levels before he eats, and then make an educated guess, based on what he eats, as to how much insulin to give him. It's just a normal routine any more but it means he gets pricked before breakfast, before morning snack, before lunch, before afternoon snack, before dinner and before bedtime. And depending on the day, maybe even more times than that.

So yesterday morning, I did what I do every single morning that he's with me. I pricked his little finger and then I gave him a shot of three units of insulin.

And he surprised me by reacting. He never does. But this time, he looked up at me with huge, huge tears in his eyes and he said,

"Nana. I don't want to be diabetes any more."

That's exactly what my five year old little grandson said.

And I tell you, it broke my heart into a million pieces because of course he will always be "diabetes."

I tell you, sometimes things just fly out of nowhere and break your heart. I know for sure that Cameron could have something a lot worse than diabetes, and that we are blessed when you look at it that way, but oh my word, I hate it more than I can say that he is diabetic and that it's forever and that at only five years old, he seems to be realizing that.

I'm a pretty strong woman. But yesterday morning, a very simple and honest statement from my precious little grandson just about broke my heart.