FOOD FOR THOUGHT - A DEVOTIONAL
Jacob said, "For what a relief it is to see your friendly smile.
It is like seeing the smile of God!"
~~ Genesis 33:10 ~~
A smile is nourishment for the heart, and laughter is medicine for the soul. But sometimes, amid the stresses of the day, we forget to take our medicine. Instead of viewing our world with a mixture of optimism and humor, we allow worries and distractions to rob us of the joy that God intends for our lives.
Today, as you go about your daily activities, approach life with a smile on your lips and hope in your heart. Look for reasons to laugh and to smile. The world needs every smile it can get, including yours.
the more you will find it. ~~ Barbara Johnson
A Prayer: Dear Lord, You have given me so many reasons to celebrate life. Today, let me be a joyful Christian -- quick to smile and quick to laugh. And, let Your love shine in me and through me, this day and forever. Amen.
A Woman of Prayer, 365 Daily Devotions, Freeman-Smith LLC, Publishers
SOME NONSENSE
You simply cannot imagine how routine my week has been. For me, routine means that no one was excruciatingly sick (Rob and I both have colds - that's not excruciating) and I'm especially thankful that my grandbabies aren't sick, although I'd love someone to remind me why they ALWAYS have runny noses this time of year, even when they're not sick. Good grief. I wish I owned stock in Kleenex. (I'm lying - I should own stock in the roll of cheap TP I keep on my kitchen counter.)
I have nothing earth shattering to share with you, although I'd like you to hang in and read to the end of this post.
I made a really nice spaghetti dinner for my husband this week and it occurred to me, when I was cooking, that I've never shown you my favorite pot.Check this out. My pasta pot! Honestly, I've had it forever and it just never occurred to me that it's kind of a unique pot.
Obviously, it's for long pasta like spaghetti or fettuccine, pastas that I cook quite often.I know what you're thinking. She's really digging. But seriously, this is just the best pot ever.
I'll give you three guesses what I'm working on right now. :-)I should have started this months ago, but I couldn't because about six months ago, my left wrist went completely nuts and it still hurts so much, all the time, that things like crocheting or hand sewing are really difficult. Santa stars don't require a lot of hand sewing, but when you're making 108 of them (36 sets), just the position you have to have your hand in, the repetitive motion, for each step, becomes difficult.
But...I'm by gosh making Santa stars. And that's a small miracle, because...
SOMETHING YOU NEVER THOUGHT YOU'D HEAR ME SAY....
I know that the people who've faithfully followed me for almost four years have been wondering, what on earth is wrong with Barb. I haven't been posting. I haven't been doing craft or cooking tutorials. I haven't been visiting my blogging friends and commenting on their posts.
So here's what's going on. It took me a long, long time, ten months, to figure this out but it finally hit me.
All I want to do is sleep.
I couldn't really care less about food. Therefore, I've been doing the kind of cooking that gets you by but isn't inspirational. I haven't tried a new recipe in forever. Cooking tutorials are pretty hard to come up with when the best you can come up with is grilled cheese and frozen fries.
I've lost interest in blogging because I just don't seem to be able to come up with anything I think anyone would want to read.
I've lost touch with people who I really care about, especially my blogging friends, and I've been so snarlish, I've hurt some feelings too.
All I want to do is sleep.
Last Wednesday, I went to bed at 5:30 in the afternoon. And I slept for fourteen hours. And I woke up feeling tired.
So there you have it.
If this isn't classic depression, I don't know what is.
I have no idea why this has happened. But I do know this. Depression is not to be messed with. It's real and I'm telling you, it not only hurts, it's scary. It affects every last single aspect of who you are and it turns you into someone you don't know.
So I'm working my way through this. I feel like I'm climbing a moutain that just never ends, but I'm working on it.
I truly have no desire to do anything, but I so, so want to make Santa stars. So I make myself get up and work on them, every single day.
I'm forcing myself to go through the motions because I want the holidays to be special for my little family. I want to make it as special as I've always made it, and I think if I just keep putting one foot in front of the other, sooner or later I will conquer this.
I'll tell you something. Depression isn't for sissies. So if you know someone who is depressed, please, please extend them some extra kindness, because it's awful.
I hope you never find out how awful it is.
Please don't give up on me. I WILL be back. I'm trying, really really hard.
xoxoxo
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66 comments:
I know your travels, we are climbing the same mountains. take my hand, we will get up together.
Give up on you? Never! You are loved..........even more than you know.
Depression isn't for sissies. If you need to get some help, get. it. Sometimes putting one foot in front of the other just isn't going to do it. Sometimes you need more help. Getting that help was one of the hardest things I've ever done.
But it was also one of the most important things I have ever done.
Sending you giant hugs!
Oh Barb. Our beloved mother made the same journey through the dark valley a few years ago, and our hearts broke with hers. But God has healed her, and we are so very, very thankful. My prayers are with you and yours.
I covet your spaghetti pot. Seriously. It's wrong. But I puffy heart your pot.
Now. I understand how you feel, my friend. I've never sought help for the times I've been depressed but I probably should have. It probably would have made it easier on me and I'd have climbed out of that pit a lot quicker with help, I'm sure. There's no shame in asking for help, Barb. I know it's hard, but you can get through this hard time in your life.
Loving you and lifting you up in prayer, sweet friend.
xoxoxo
Diane
Oh, Barb, I've been there. Depression is awful. But I'm finally on the other side of the "cloud cover," as I like to call it. I finally enjoy life again. I do hope this doesn't last long!
oh, and I agree about getting help if you haven't already. I needed medication and counseling both for only a short time. Definitely worth it.
I adore simply adore your spaghetti pot.
My niece was 15 when she got depressed various reasons.My sister got her help please seek counselling if you're able to.{{{{hugs}}}
Barb, please go for some help with the depression. There are meds that will help you. Also make sure there isn't some medical (physical) reason for the way you're feeling. You know that we all love you and want you to feel better.
Barb,
Have you had your thyroid checked? 6 years ago, I was so tired and couldn't function. Very diffiuclt when you have 7 kids! It went on for months, I found out my thyroid was messed up big time. It took several more months to get it back to where it needed to be. I would really encourage you to get to a dr. and have a check-up.
Love to you...
Oh Barb. I'm so sorry. I know the darkness of depression and I'm just now seeing it retreat a bit after a pretty horrific year.
Meds help. A lot. And there's no shame in taking them.
Hang in there. I'll pray.
I have been depressed Barb...years ago. It's very hard to get thru. I had a great support system. Scott was great....I will pray for you dear friend. We have not given up on you.....we dont do that to friends.
Hugs from Ky.
I've been a lurker I think for a couple of years. I was going through something months ago but it was anxiety. It was awful. I kept thinking I could pull myself out of it. Finally, I went to the doctor.
Just keep hanging in there. I love your blog.
My heart is with you. I've been through this myself. Sometimes it seems like a never-ending battle. Well, I guess it may be a never-ending battle! Just like all the others, I urge you to see a doctor and get some blood work done. Even if you have experienced depression in the past, you still need to do this. Then, do whatever it is YOU need to do to get through this. I'm praying for you.
I'm a lurker/reader of yours. :!) I'm praying for you to feel better soon!
I am praying for you. Depression is a really tough thing and I know because I have several very close to me who deal with it. Don't hesitate to get a doctor involved if you haven't already. Love you Barb, and you are strong in the Lord, so it will be something that you will see victory in-I just know it!
I agree with everyone who is saying, don't be afraid to ask for help. I've been down this road myself and I've always been the type to pull myself up by my bootstraps. But you're right, this isn't for sissies and even the strongest among us "need a little help from our friends" sometimes.
Big hugs to you, Barb. You are a very special lady and we all love you!
I have been struggling with depression this last year too. I agree with you - it is horrible and it affects every single part of your life.
I like your attitude about it Barb. You are going to make it. Just the fact that you finally wrote about it tells me you are on the healing side of the mountain.
We are all pulling for you.
Oh Barb, my heart just broke for you, dear friend. Please know I would never give up on you! Praying and lifting you up before the Lord and please seek help to get you over that mountain. Sending you lots of hugs and love.
Hello Barb - been there. done depressed and most certainly got the T shirt. I have just emerged into the sunshine and I'm here waiting for you:)
Seriously - 'mail me if you ever want a natter. I am most definitely here for you - snarlish or no!
Love, Lynn.
Barb, we love you no matter what. And it sounds like all of us understand what you are going through, either first hand or from dealing with loved ones. For me, it's first hand.
I understand, too, about the lack of blogging yet missing your blogging friends.
Praying God leads you through this and that it doesn't last long, dear friend. You are very much loved!
Barb - I agree with the thyroid comment. Several years ago I went through the same thing, and it was discovered that my thyroid was barely functioning. Medication and a little time has really helped!! Don't hesitate - get it checked. We all love you and your blog!!!! Take care of YOURSELF so you can take care of us!!!! *S*
Hugs and prayers. Hang in there...get some help if you need it. Make sure there isn't a physical cause.
Depression is something I struggle with on an on-going basis...I also have essentially stopped blogging and stopped commenting. Life can be "good" and it's still possible to struggle with depression. Thankfully God's everlasting arms are underneath us.
Blessings
edith
As others have said, one of my first thoughts was to encourage you to get things checked out physically. Thyroid comes to mind but a number of other things do as well.
Thanks for sharing this with us and not hiding it. We'll be praying for you.
Barb, I'm so sorry to hear you are going through this. I've been there and I know how hard it is - as you said, it affects everything. Have you had a complete physical lately? Probably a good idea and I suggest they test your thyroid and vitamin D level, as well. Please don't hesitate to seek help to get you throught this tough time. I am praying for you!!!!
Hugs!!
I'm sorry to hear you haven't been feeling well. I do hope you are better soon. I miss your sweet posts.
Last year you sent me the santa star pattern and I make a lot of them. My family thought they were adorable. But I wanted to share that one friend who received one had just moved to Charleston (SC) where I live. She thought it was perfect for their first Christmas here because it reminded her of a starfish. She said it would be special because of that. What a lovely memory you gave to both of us!
Thank you again for sharing the pattern. And please know you'll be in my thoughts. Hoping you have a wonderful day. :)
Hi! Barbara
Came across your blog through Adrienne. I do enjoy blogs where people are open and honest.
Have walked this path myself and know what it is like.
Eventually I came to see that all I could do was trust God and know that depression did not define who I am. As a Christian I was/am a person indwelt by Christ (Gal.2.20) and not a 'depressed person' n o matter how bad I felt. I am OK in God's sight. At times all I could do was take just one step after another literally. I dare to say to you, don't try - just trust.
I enjoyed reading your '100 things'.
If yu ever have the time and feel up to it you can read 'my story' by clicking on the sidebar. Not written as an ego thing but for encouragement to others facing hardships and difficulties.
Blessings from Barbara
I have dealt with clinical depression a few times as well, Barb. I know it's a tough road. I highly recommend prozac for a short period of time--it's not addicting or personality changing--also and hour of sunshine and walking do absolute wonders. I applaud you for making yourself make the ornaments, etc--it is the way out. Praying for you that relief comes quickly. Please consider seeing a doctor for meds.
Dear Barb -
I do so appreciate your openness and honesty - it's a step forward, believe me. I will pray that you find answers and rest and that one day soon you will realize that you've climbed this mountain and can see the sun again.
Hugs,
~Adrienne~
I'm praying for you, Aunt Barb. I hope things get better each day! :)
Oh Barb, I'm praying for you.
Ah Barb! ((HUGS)) I do understand. Still trying to take it day by day. Hanging in there with you.
I would like for you to see the quilt I made in honor of my Daniel.
It's the last post I did.
Blessings,
Mama Lily
BIG,BIG HUGS TO YOU, BARB. WE LOVE AND CARE FOR YOU. PLEASE LET US HEAR FROM YOU WHEN YOU FEEL UP TO IT,'CAUSE YOU KNOW THAT WE WANT TO KNOW WHERE YOU ARE IN THIS BATTLE. WE ARE ALL LIFTING YOU UP IN PRAYER, AND THAT'S A LOT OF PRAYING. YOU'LL BE FINE, SOON.
Dear Barb - as you can see none of us would ever give up on you. I'm so sorry you are suffering right now.
Some time ago our Pastor gave a message that included dealing with depression. He said that he finally had to get some help himself and takes meds whenever he feels it stealing over him.
I only had a bout of depression once - shortly after the birth of my second son - and I never want to have it again. I do so understand and will be praying for you.
I have known something had to be wrong - am glad you are sharing. I have not experienced this personally, but have far too many people in my life who have and do. I hope you can get some help - it is such a real thing.
I have also wondered !how long it would be before you have tendonitis with all of the hand work you've done over the years.
Bless your heart
Oh Barb, my heart broke reading this. I'm so sorry that you are going through this in your life. I just read every comment that has been made...how uplifting! I'm going to say the same thing...if you haven't had a recent physical, do it! If so, maybe you could check into some psychological. I work at a psychiatric clinic and sometimes just talking and establishing rapport with someone from the "outside" just helps!! I hope brighter days are in your future!
I love your blog and I've read every post in your archives, but this is the first I'm commenting on. Just popping out of the woodwork to say that you are loved by many, many people. Your blog has touched hundreds. I will be praying for you in this difficult time.
I have wondered if maybe you were just burned out from all the crafting/sewing/cooking/taking care of grandkids etc. I am sorry that you're having problems with depression. Our ds has troubles with that so I know it can be a tough road. Hugs & prayers, and we'll be here when you're ready to post more!
Thinking of you and will keep you in my prayers. Take it one day at a time.
big hugs...!!
Take care,
Lisa
How brave of you to post this on your blog, Barb :) I hope you feel better soon, and know that we're thinking of you and praying for you. Hang in there, the sun is still shining every day, and I hope it shines for you brighter every day :)
I almost didn't comment because having been there - another comment would be one more thing vying for your energy. But I wanted to let you know that I totally understand and I'm praying for you. Hang in there.
Oh, and I agree with the walk and sunshine comment. It usually helps.
Hugs to you...
I find that I begin to feel a shift toward the better when I finally lift the blanket and let people know I'm going under. Sometimes it takes me a while to figure out that's what's going on. I've found some herbs and other natural things that work for me, and I'm so grateful for that.
Now we know, and you're bathed in prayer. The truth of God's Word is that you will be led, protected, covered, blessed, and that NOTHING will EVER separate you from His love.
Hi Barb,
I am so sorry you are going through this. I've been there too. Reading through your comments, it's amazing how many of us have gone through times of depression. And you're right--it's not for sissies!
After months of suffering, I finally went on a low dose of medication. I took it for about 10 months and honestly, it was one of the smartest decisions I've ever made.
I will keep you in my prayers. Thank you so much for sharing this with us. There are so many people out here that care for you.
I need a spaghetti pot like yours...I just use a normal pot and I have to keep breaking my spaghetti in half for it to fit. That's just not right! lol
Oh Barb, I can certainly sympathize with you on how you're feeling. I've been there, believe me, and as you say, it's an awfully big mountain to climb. Having been through a nervous breakdown, depression and anxiety, I too only wanted to sleep and wasn't interested in anything. I spent years not getting the help I needed but finally I did and to this day I'm still on medication for it. I was so against taking anything but it was either that or not having a life. I chose to have a life that I could enjoy:-) Please go see your doctor about this and get a complete physical, it could even be your thyroid acting up. You know I'm here for you if ever you need me. Love ya! xoxo
I'm so sorry you're going through this right now. I hope you're getting the help you need - you're right, it's not for sissies.
www.angelawd.com
HUGS Barb. I'm sorry you are going through this. I hope you are talking to your doctor about all this. I'm not giving up on you. And even though I'm only here through cyber space please know that I'm praying for you and hope that all works out.
Hang in the there Barb! Take care of yourself and put Barb first for awhile! I've been there and it is not for sissies! Holiday time still gets me down but with the help of medication - I make it through.
I'll be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers my friend.
Barb, while I don't personally suffer from depression I live with someone who does. My husband was diagnosed with depression 5 years ago. It was very bad for awhile and he has ended up taking medication.
Things are better now, but I know that at any time even with medication he could suffer a relapse.
You will be in my thoughts and prayers.
God bless.
prayers and hugs....lots of hugs...
Love you
jess
Sending you some hugs and prayers Barb. I've been through depression too (sometimes now I think I'm STILL going through it!) and you're right- definitely nothing 'fun' about it - and it does just wear you down.
Praying you come out of it soon and are back to your old self!
Barb, Although I've never really had episodes of depression myself other than an occassional day here and there, I do have several close to me who do. I know its a difficult thing and because it did just suddenly start one day and is not something you normally contend with, perhaps there is an underlying physical cause of it.
My husband went through a spell a couple of years ago. He went on medication for just a few months and hasn't taken the meds for over a year. He is doing fine now.
Please don't hesitate to seek medical advice. A few days of depression a person CAN "put one foot in front of the other" and perhaps overcome it. But ongoing days I think you should be checked out physically.
You are loved and cared about by so many and I know we all are keeping you in our prayers and definitely NOT giving up on you.
Love you
Oh, Barb. I have been where you are now and, you're right, it's NOT for sissies! It's hard and sometimes, people don't understand and that makes it worse.
I saw someone else mention this, but I feel I must, also. Have you had your thyroid checked lately? I went through what you're going through for over 12 years - no doctor looked at my thyroid until I finally found a wonderful Christian doctor who did. I just can't tell you how bad the thyroid being off will mess you up. It's bad. Please consider getting a blood test. It could be that.
I love your blog, Barb, because it's a reflection of who you are. I look forward to seeing what you've written and what's happening with you. Please know that I will be praying for you!!
Your bloggy friend - Julie
(((Barb))),
I hope for brighter days ahead for you. I'll pray to that end. PLEASE just take care of yourself. No guilt about anything else. Just be good to YOU and know that you are cared about and prayed for.
Blessings,
~Toni~
Praying for unspeakable joy to fill your spirit. Your warm and homey words here are such a blessing to so many, and now each of us has the blessing of praying for you as you journey through this.
You are not alone.
Oh honey, take the time you need. I love blogging so very, very much, but sometimes real life is more important and that seems to be the case for you. We'll be out here praying for you to find your joy again.
So sorry to hear that you are depressed...I have been there..I have had so little time to read blogs....trees and decorating have taken every minute.....just decided to take an hour and read blogs...So glad I stopped here...http://grammyababychangeseverything.blogspot.com
Take care of yourself and do a little towards your goal of climbing this mountain everyday!
Prayers and hugs, MyLinda
I understand completely. I'm walking the same path now and it stinks.
((((HUGS)))) and prayers coming your way!
Oh Barb, I'd wondered what happened to you and your sunny updates! Here is my depression story (http://theshadesofpink.blogspot.com/2009/08/lets-be-real.html) It's pretty frank. I am doing much better now.
You had a lot of changes this year, two of them being that the babies aren't with you as much and that you quit smoking. Even happy events can contribute to depression, which I am sure you know. We'll be praying.
I"m so sorry to hear this, but I'm grateful for your tender, transparent heart. I've dealt with both Anxiety and her wicked step-sister, Depression for much of my adult life. I will pray for you, friend. I will.
BTW, isn't it great that by sharing our sorrows, we lift each other as much as sharing the good things? Because in sharing sorrows, we know we're not alone. And no one wants to be alone.
Another BTW...I did link to you b/c I finally got that stinkin' avocado seed to grow! ;) It's all b/c of you. Now I'm tempting fate by working on a second. My dtr is so cute, she wraps the bottom of the glass with a towel, just like the Charlie Brown Tree.
You give joy to so many. Hope to hear that you're smiling, soon. xxxooogretchen
I know you probably don't like to ask for help..and talking about it here online is a start..but please do get more professional help. 10 months is a long time...and I know you will be back..you will...and get your wrist looked at too...you have probably strained a tendon or gotten carpel tunnel or something..it can be treated too...believe me..I know of what I speak on that level. Just do it sister! Hugs!
xoxoxo Bev
Hey Barb, as someone who has suffered depression of and on - more on than off - most all of their life - i highly suggest seeing your doctor. The best thing my hubby ever did for me was drag me to a doctor. My depression is much worse in the winter - but I do suffer year round.
Keeping you in my prayers... Many hugs!
Barb: As evidenced by the many comments here along with mine, we are pulling for you. Life is very hard. But remember this: You matter to so many in your own special way probably without even realizing it. My Best to you with (((HUGS)))!
Barb,
I hope you are improving. I really hope that you've been to a doctor for this. I keep checking on you. Please know that your bloggers love you (even though we don't know you in person but feel like we do)and care about you. I'll lift you up in my prayers tonight. XOXO
Terri
Hi Barb, Thinking about you tonight. Hoping and praying that you are doing OK.
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