In the last ten days or so, I've seen many of my friends posting about trying to find a balance, a way to continue to enjoy blogging and the interaction with kindred spirits it brings without letting it interfere with day to day life. A lot of us seem to be realizing that this can become so addictive it eats into our days and we find ourselves neglecting our families and homes and shih tzus. OK, I'm neglecting my shih tzu. You may be neglecting your iguana. But still.
My sister and I have been emailing each other for days trying to come up with a solution, a way to stop the madness without deleting our blogs. She wrote an amazing post on this subject this morning, in such simple and honest language, it all finally fell into place for me. So I've made some changes and in the hope that it might help someone else find balance, I thought I'd share them.
Let me say right up front that the last thing I want to do is hurt feelings. But you know what? Worrying about that is about half the problem.
See if you can relate to this. When we first started a blog, we each had a reason. Some considered it a journal, a way to record daily thoughts and happenings, perhaps for themselves or maybe for their children. Some (a lot, actually) started a blog as a way to keep family and friends updated on what's happening in their families. I started mine for fun. For me, it was going to be fun and I might meet some interesting people, people with common interests.
Then I discovered all the neat things you can do to enhance your blog's appearance. There's a lot of fun stuff out there and what I love is the challenge of learning how make it happen in my sidebar. Then I discovered bloglines. Bloglines is probably the best help feature you can use. But bloglines has that one little spot that tells you how many people subscribe to you. And you start watching that. Then there's site meter. Oh boy. That one can make or break an ego.
I started interacting. I got comments from people outside my family, went over to meet them and started reading them. Then I started liking them. So I started commenting every time they did a post. I'm still scratching my head that what started out, for me anyway, as a fun thing to do with my family that's spread all over the country turned into almost 100 feeds in my bloglines.
You know what? I like every single one of them. But how on earth would I function if I spent time every single day of my life with 100 friends who showed up at my front door? And that's exactly what we're doing when we try to stay in constant touch with 100 blogging friends every day or even every week. I don't know about you but I'd lose my mind if I had to spend even fifteen minutes talking to each of 100 friends every week, much less every day.
It can't happen Ladies. There's no way. You can't do that and have a life.
So....here's what I've done. I think this will work for me. It might work for you.
My first thought was to just delete people like crazy from my bloglines. There's nothing so intimidating as turning the computer on in the morning and seeing that you have 137 new posts showing in bloglines. So I did that. I deleted ruthlessly and took it down to 18. Can you believe that? In 15 minutes I took it from 96 to 18. I was so proud. Within two days I missed the people I'd deleted and felt like they'd moved to Siberia.
Bev did something yesterday that I thought was the bravest thing I'd heard of in ages. She totally deleted all the links in her sidebar. No.more.links. I was shocked. Then I started thinking about it. Here's what that does. Links in sidebars can make people feel good but they can make other people wonder why they're not there. No good. Popularity contest. High school. A constant worry for the blogger. I like her, I read her, I comment to her. Oh my gosh! Do I have her in my sidebar? If I don't, I've hurt her feelings. Or. I read her. I have her in my sidebar links. I'm not in hers. Doesn't she like me enough to include me in her links?
Solution? Delete the links in the sidebar. How can one person feel left out if everyone's left out? Well, that didn't come out right but you know what I mean.
So today I did that. I have to admit I was so proud of myself for figuring out how to install a collapsible box for my links that I simply could not delete it. So I moved my family there. But I deleted all other links.
Next? I put every single one of those sidebar links back into my blogline subscriptions. Yep. I'm back up to almost 100. But now I feel like I invited my friends back over and can stay in touch. If they're not in my links and not in my bloglines, they're gone. The trick here is to not feel overwhelmed when bloglines says you have 137 new posts to read. The mistake is to think you have to comment on everything you read. Honestly? It's OK to hit all read when you're busy and look at it again another day. People post. When you have time, you can catch up with them. A few at a time. So for me, no more 7 hour marathons of trying to read every single post and comment. I can't do it. And you can't either.
I deleted site meter. I don't need the agony. I truly do not care about the numbers. If I could make the spot on bloglines that tells me how many subscribers I have go away I would do that too. If you get caught up in the numbers, number of hits, number of people subscribing to you, number of comments you get, you're going to get so caught up in trying to change the numbers, make them go up, that you spend way too much time "working" it and not enough time just enjoying the communion with friends.
This one was the hardest for me but I deleted all the cute buttons to things going on in other blogs from my sidebar. It's too much. It's too hard to make sure you're not leaving someone out who has a new thing going and wants you to help them support it. And I'm a minimalist. I like things neat and clean. It was getting out of hand.
It's not that I don't support my friends who start a new meme or a one-time great thing or make a huge statement that needs to be noticed. But from now on I will support them by doing a post about it with links back to their site for further information. No more endless trails of buttons supporting things in my sidebar. I honestly believe if I do a post about it the people who read me and are excited about it will do what I do. I have a notebook sitting right here in front of my computer where I write these things down so I won't forget the details I need to know to participate. I'm much more likely to refer to my notes than I am to remember whose site I need to go to for a button to click on. I love the buttons. Some of them are adorable. But my notes work better for me. I'm sorry. But I really like a minimal sidebar.
For me personally, it's more comfortable to leave a comment for my friend saying I support what she's doing and will post about it. Once. Period. And I truly hope that doesn't hurt feelings.
A couple of times I've set up something to create fun interaction like how you met your husband or how you came up with the name of your blog. But I set up a link so you could all connect with each other and left it at that. That works for me.
The last brave step to get complete control again and really make people understand that I don't care about numbers nearly as much as I care about simple honest communication would be to disenable comments. I'm not quite there yet because I admit that when I do a post I'd like to know if anyone read it. That, to me, is the final frontier. If you can disenable comments, then you truly are blogging just to record your thoughts. I like the interaction. So I can't do that. I don't count my comments. I read them. And I take them to heart.
So in a nutshell:
The number of people in my bloglines is absurd but I care about every single one of them and don't want to lose touch with them.
I'm not loading my sidebar up with buttons and icons any more. The people I support will know it and so will anyone who reads me.
I do not have site meter and do not miss it. At.all.
I edited every person I subscribe to in bloglines to "private." I'm not being rude but it's nobody's business who I subscribe to. The people I do subscribe to will know it. And the people I don't subscribe to but occasionally read won't know that I don't subscribe to them. Again, it avoids hurt feelings.
If you subscribe "publicly" to people in bloglines, anyone can click on you and discover who you subscribe to. It feels important to me to regain some privacy.
I do not expect people who read my posts to comment every single time. Occasionally, just to let me know you're still around, is fine. And I will do the same for you.
I will not comment on every post I read.
It's OK to hit "all read" when you're overwhelmed or just busy having a life.
I do not have links in my sidebar. It feels like cheerleader tryouts in high school. I hated cheerleader tryouts. I hated feeling unpopular.
And here's the big one. I do not have to post every single day. Some days I have nothing to say. Some days I'm busy. Some days I'm not even here. (Yeah, it could happen!) And some days I might just throw a "happy week" cutesy post out there. I don't expect comments on that. That's like getting a thank you card for sending someone a thank you card.
I'm thinking these changes will work for me. I can keep blogging, keep interacting with the people I've met and love to stay in touch with, and still have a life. God, my husband, my two daughters and my precious grandson will appreciate having me back.
When I first started blogging I immediately gained a reputation for being the OCD, over the top, neat, clean, perfect housewife. Let me tell you, you should see my house, my yard, my shaggy shih tzu, the kudzu in my bushes now. I'm stopping the madness.
And I think I just broke the record for the longest post ever written.
Really. This should be fun. It should be inspirational. It should be a lot of things. But it should NOT be crazy.
Posts
52 comments:
Nice post.
Thank you Heidi
Good for yor Barb. I too like the minimalistic approach and have been considering minimizing the buttons. It is a wonderful witness for you all to back off and simplify. Many women here look up to both of you and I am happy to see you both being an example of Godly blogging (it didn't occur to me until I said it that that is what it is, but so be it.) What a way to live Titus 2 in the blog world.
When blogging quits being fun and starts being work, when it takes the place of actually living your life....It's time for some changes, and I respect you for taking action. Thank you for your honesty, Barb, and I am not the least offended, nor do I or anybody else have the right to be offended by your choices.
Love you, Barb. :-)
I find the "evolution of blogging" facinating, as it pertains to and impacts people's lives. I suppose it' s like any "new" thing. We jump in with both feet and sometimes, eventually, need to take a step back. You have put a lot of time into your thought processing and I hope it works for you because I definitely don't want blogging to not be fun for you :)
AMEN! I often wondered how you and Bev kept up with all your bloglines and posting on each post you read. Whew, pressure is off. Just kidding - I never felt pressured. God bless you today! Denise
First, amen, good for you. I can feel your shoulders relaxing a bit. And what on earth is kudzu???? Am I clueless, no idea what it/that is. xoxo
Great post Barb, I never understood how you kept up with 100 blogs on bloglines LOL I commented on Bev's post and told her how I deal with the whole blogging issue and not getting addicted....there definitely has to be a balance.
When blogging becomes a chore and a MUST DO everyday, it takes the fun out....I want to be able to post about the things I like and the way I am, without feeling like I need to come up with elaborate posts to attract more readers, and I'm glad I've been able to stay that way :)
As long as you keep letting us know that you're still around and you're doing fine, that's what matters to me :) Would miss you terribly if you completely stopped blogging :)
Huge hugs to you,
Sandra
I agree with you 100%. I have never felt compelled to write every day, because when I spend a lot of time writing something, I like it to hang out there for awhile. And I"ve never been able to get into all the special day emphases - not enough time! But I have so much enjoyed getting to "know" a few really special Christian women, and that has been the excitement for me. You're definitely one of those. I hope we can keep in touch whenever you're able. You know that you're in trouble with the addictive aspect when your little 4-year-old granddaughter comes up and says, "Grandma, you've been on the computer ALL DAY!" Time to go to BA.
Have a wonderful fall day in Colorado!
Barb, I'm so glad that you were able to step back and make some good choices for yourself and your family! I know how hard that was to do. I, like yourself got into blogging for fun and maybe to get close to a few people. I never imagined it would exponentially grow the way it does and how quickly. I like the way you've rearranged it for yourself. I've deleated by sidebar "places I go". I've been feeling to do that for a long time now for exactly the same reasons as yourself. People can link to others and find new people through the comments sections.
Thanks for sharing so openly all your ups and downs of your life and your blogland life, too. I'd really miss you if you totally disappeared so I'd rather have smaller versions of ya than none at all. :v)
You are so right! I now blog about the things that I have to do anyway. I am posting now on creation. I have to come up with a councel time lesson for my 3 and 4th grade Awana girls. I am in the Word daily and always write down what I am learning. I love to type and research things so this fits in with my blogging.
Thank you for sharing your feeling with us.
Blogging should be fun not a time waster.
I read Bev's post last night and had already been thinking through many of these same things.
I attacked my bloglines last night and deleted many of them. It was freeing to wake up this AM and not have close to 100 posts waiting to be read! More like... 10... WOW! That is manageable!
I'm sure there will be more changes to come to "My Quiet Corner". Thanks to both of you for helping bring some perspective back in to this world we call "blogging"!
I hope no one has ever felt required to comment at "My Quiet Corner" or even visit for that matter! I have always wanted it to be a place where people can come and get away from the other sterssors... a place of quiet!! That is what I am making it for myself as well!
What a very thought-provoking post! You hit the nail on the head with a lot of what you said too. I like an uncluttered sidebar too so I try not to put too much there either.
Bloglines made things easier for me where I could read posts, but if I didn't have time to reply I would save for later. I could scroll down and scan new posts, but reply at another time.
I finally got to the point where I realized how much time it was taking to read and reply to every post (and I don't have close too 100 in my bloglines!) but it was taking too much time. I had to tell myself it's OK if you don't reply to each and every post! And so I've tried doing that and not feeling guilty, and it does help. Because really, there is only so much time in a day.
And now I should be going because my best friend is here visiting and I need to get off the computer and spend some time with her :) Just had to comment on your great post and say you are not alone in what you've wrote and thought.
I'm taking some of these ideas and applying them to myself. I only have about 20 on my bloglines and for me, that's a manageable number. I've made that my limit.
It is amazing how quickly you start spending too much time in front of the computer. Good for you for making some changes to bring back the fun!
You know how I feel....I'm right there with you. God is first, then family....computer runs somewhere in last place.
Walk outside and take a deep breath...you deserve it.
Keep in touch with me via email.....you know I think the world of you and will always check up with you.
Jen
Barb, this is so funny because the other day a blog friend told me my whole sidebar was laying on the bottom of my page. I was so imbarrassed, I felt like my britches had dropped, exposing every leaf that Adam might have worn. lol When I looked on my laptop it looked fine.
So, started taking stuff off, pics and all and ended up loosing my blogroll. I still haven't figured out bloglines, wish I did! So, now I can't even get blogroll to put up my one click blogroll button.
I love it all still, if someone's not on there it's cause I am still working out the kinks. I love everybody! No rush to judgement here! Just all thumbs. :)
This was one of the most well-written, best described dilemmas of blogdom. Good for you and I think I'll adopt some of your methods. Blogging is so fun, but when it reduces us to the little girl level of "who's the most popular", then there is something wrong with it. Thanks for your honesty.
Barb, that is a great post. I know I've been feeling the same way about blogging lately with everything going on. You are so spot on on so many points. It is okay not to comment on every post, and it is okay to hit read all on bloglines. I know I've felt overwhelmed from time to time when I've opened up bloglines to see massive amounts of posts I want to read but I just don't have the time to anymore.
For my sister:
kud-zu (kood' zoo) noun
a fast-growing perennial vine with large, three-part leaves
In other words, is a nasty, insidious vine thing that grows up into all your flowers and bushes and tries to smother them to death. It's all over the place in my backyard and I'm on a mission to annihilate every last trace of it! It's common in the south. But I'm pretty sure someone brought one seed to Colorado and lost it in my backyard. LOL
To everyone else: Whew! I feel all better now. :-)
Thanks for that. I was just thinking today-- Why do I blog. I discovered that I'm still new at this blog thing and I do it because it reflects who I am and who I desire to be. Writing my blogs helps me reflect and reach out. I to was becoming overwhelmed with links and how to do this or that. I'm keeping it simple. Thanks. I love visiting your site and hope to see you around at mine from time to time.
Have a awesome week and may God Bless you in everyway!!!
i haven't commented in a while...but i've still been reading! :) thanks for this post...it all makes sense and i'm agreeing 100% on minimalizing it all! way to go.
i decided when i started my blog that i wasn't going to have a blogroll of tons of people. the only ones i have included are my personal "real-life" friends who have a blog of their own. easier that way...to avoid the hurt feelings and such.
anyway, thanks for your honesty barb.
Barb,
You have some really, really great ideas here. I think I may follow your lead. I've been wanting to sort of take my personal blog in a new direction and you have inspired and motivated me to do just that!
You're the best. :)
Take care!
That's awesome, I thinkg God is trying to get our attention and focus back on our families where it is intended to be.
I want to ditto the two comments...Heather: What a way to live Titus 2 in the blog world.
and Diane: Thank you for your honesty, Barb, and I am not the least offended, nor do I or anybody else have the right to be offended by your choices.
One suggestion:
(It has to do with adding to your sidebar, hope you don't shot me)
Put a link to this post in your sidebar. You've "been there done that" and someone new coming here should know it.
Love you.
I'm with you...I do love my bloggy friends and they have saved my sanity many times...but I still want to have a life too...:)
Keep it simple!
I'm still not at the point where blogging has taken over my life..I do my post in the morning then I do whatever has to be done that day. It's only once I've done all that, come back from visiting my mom or gone out shopping or for coffee, THEN I start to visit the blogs on my list, which is usually in the evenings. If I don't have time to visit them all that night, then I visit the rest the next day. Blogging is still so much fun for me and I'm not feeling overwhelmed by it...YET! If that changes, then I would certainly start thinking of doing what you did! I guess it helps that I don't have to go out to work, don't have any kids at home and am pretty much on my own all day and evening long...it gives me something to do:-) Hugs Barb!
I'm a new reader, but wanted to tell you that this is a terrific post and so true. I have never had a site meter and will not get one for the reason you said. This should be fun, but when it invades your day that you cannot take care of what needs to be done, its time to check ouselves. Again, Thank you for the wisdom...Blessings to you..
Mindy
Ok, you know when my husband complains, there's definitely a problem. I do more reading than posting because I have 76 feeds in my bloglines, and by the time I've read them all I have no time to create a post of my own. I scaled back once, and it may be time to do so again.
I know I have to do something different, besides disappearing for days at a time.
You've given me a lot of food for thought. Good for you for taking the necessary steps to keep blogging from being a chore. As always, you're an inspiration to us all!
xoxoxo
Wow, Barb...I believe you have just spoken for what's been on some of our hearts lately...and then actually have DONE something about it! Good for you...and thank you for perhaps being an inspiration to many of us to think of ways to cut back without completely giving this up.
It's true...this summer, this newfound thing sort of took over my life. Sure, I did things with my family and went places, but really...I think I saw less of the summer sun then ever before.
This blogline thing...I'm kind of embarressed to admit that I never really looked into how that whole thing worked...I'm so clueless. (But I am proud of myself that I taught myself some other blogging basics!) Anyway...I never officially subscribed to anyone- just saved links in my folder. But I guess from what you're saying, that may have been the best thing, after all!
One more thing... I'm ashamed to say that I pay way too much attention to the amount of comments I get! And it's been something I have been working on the past few weeks...Under ten comments does not mean we are not "special" nor does having 30 or even 80 mean we are superior! (But that's what happens to some of our thoughts when we spend too much time in blogville, I think.)
OK...this may be on record for one of the longest replies to one of the longest posts...;)
Anyway, thank you Barb. I will not take it personally if you miss replying on one of my posts, OK? And I will begin to think on ways that I can even further bring more balance into my life in this area!
Blessings and hugs,
~Tammy
Thanks for saying it so well Barb. I know everything you say to be true. Shucks - I was just getting the hang of all this "linky icony" stuff. However, I wasn't feeling all that great about it. I too felt like I was being sucked back into that high school mentality. I don't want this to turn into a popularity contest. I also don't want to sound so "spiritual", but I truly did feel the Lord nudging me to try this. I have missed writing since my little writing group broke up years ago, and I wanted a way to write and be used of the Lord. I can see that that is so possible here, but there are definitely all the pitfalls you describe so well. I think I may have to hone my deleting skills a bit here. I want to save this post and Bev's and really study them and think and pray hard about what I should do. Thank you for you honest, sincere, caring heart. You have blessed me no end. I do want to keep in touch.
I'm glad you are feeling better about it because in the end, that's what matters. I'll be around to see ya when you post! :)
I hope that changing the way you do things makes you feel better. Lots of thought provoking ideas in this post.
Each person needs to find a style for themselves and what works for one doesn't work for all.
Blogging is still a whole new world and the "rules" seem to be written in sand as they are ever changing.
:-)
Excellent! And the first post I've ever read of yours! So guess what I'm gonna do? Well, I don't have bloglines, for the exact reasons you said (I don't NEED to know if my favorite spots have new posts or not. No time to invest in that). So, if you don't mind, I'm just linking my post tonight to yours and saying "ditto" cuz I want to go to bed and that will suffice as proof to anyone who reads me that I'm still alive! :)
I'm still a newbie, and was going to ask, "what is a blogline and how do you subscribe?"... but maybe it is best not to know!
THIS IS WHY I DO NOT HAVE LINKS AND NEVER HAVE. I have my Mom, Biblegateway and The Foodnetwork. That's all I need. I don't even have bloglines. I have five blogs saved under my favorites and I go to them and a few off of each of their's. There is too much good stuff out there to read and I have kids to take care of. I have to keep it in check or I will loose track of time sitting at my desk!
You are so awesome Barb,you really are!
I am with you! Too much time in blogville can hinder your family - sorry no shih tzus here! I love reading your posts - but as you can see I only have time to comment occasionally!
Blessings!
P.S. What is the latest on your husbands job prospects?
Awesome! I had to do the same thing with a website I used to have...I'm ashamed to say...Myspace, I know EW. So bad. But it got so out of hand. I am glad I'm not that popular and I only read like twenty blogs...So no big deal for me. Good ideas here though Barb!
Thanks! Good news.
IMHO, to each his own. I think everyone will have their own sense of balance. I have a friend who is overwhelmed with life because she can't say, "No" when her church comes calling. I have another friend who I believe is addicted to scrapbooking, which I don't spend time or money on.
I have no problems not posting when I'm busy. And other days, I LOVE "meeting" others, establishing connections, and learning new things. Very exciting!
I think it's good to find your own place in things, what works for you and what doesn't. Shouldn't offend anyone, your own personal tastes.
This sounds like a very personal journey, and a fun one from my perspective. ;)
I love this! I will say that I agree sitemeter messes with my head a bit (either in a good or bad way), but I can't get rid of it.
I just noticed that someone else got rid of their favorites, and I'm thinking that might be a good idea. I need to think and pray on it more. I like to refer people to those I like, but I guess I end up doing that by linking to their posts at times. Hmmmm.
I agree that disabling comments does show that you are writing because you want to, not because of what others think, but as an encourager, I like to tell someone when I agree with what they've said, or if I have an additional thought to add. If there are no comments, it totally removes the community part of the blogworld, and I don't like that.
And I like your questions/Mr. Linky's a lot, so I hope you'll keep doing them as you are led.
One of the reasons I turned to blogging was because of being homebound 99.9% of the time, blogging was my 'grown up' conversation, and a few grins anf smiles.
But I totally understand what your heart is telling you. It is for the very same reason that I only have certain links on my sidebar as well. Links that I find hopeful, uplifting and understanding to and of my life right now.
Good luck with your goals.
Lots to think about. Thanks for being honest and posting this. I think many of us need to reevaluate our priorities! (read: me)
You go girl. It truly does not offend me if you don't read or comment to me every day. When I read yours and comment it's just something I like to do. Nothing too serious. You are right, blogging should be fun, not stressful.
Read your sis' view on this and then yours. Amen! Never have started my own blog, just enjoy reading others. But, even that can really eat away at my time if I'm not careful! -JD
way to go Barb...(not sure you will even get to my comment - it's #46!) whew...I can see how you need to take back some control.
Nice post, well said.
V.
I am chuckling. This was too cute :)
This is really good, and your sister's, too. I think I should get rid of the site meter and hit that "mark all read" on my bloglines. I have blogs that I am 70+ posts behind on reading, I'll never catch up, and I just feel bad every time I see it.
Excellent post. I have felt totally depressed about the whole blogging thing the last few weeks...it hurts when regular commenters don't comment, I visit new blogs and leave a comment and no responses, I spend way too much time wondering if I will offend someone or just thinking my blog is boring and it plain sucks....to put it bluntly. So I have stepped away for a while not knowing what I will do...I have connected and made friends with amazing and loving people all over the world. That in itself is a miracle considering how many millions have blogs. I have found too if I put Christian things on my blog, some people don't return that I thought were my friends....that REALLY HURTS! I won't compromise my beliefs or standards to please some bloggers. It has become a tight wire to walk and it shouldn't have to be. You gave me some good food for thought Barb...thanks. Jenny
Thanks for the tips.
Great thoughts and tips. I know I struggled with putting up links on my sidebar b/c it's not that I don't like to visit a lot of people but I don't want some to think I visit them and not others. Yet, at the same time, the ones on my sidebar are the few "I've come to know" through their blogging but I may have to do a redo on that one someday. Maybe it's just better to subscribe to the ones I visit most often or revise my bookmarks to make the "visiting" easier. Hmmm . . . a lot of food for thought here. Thanks for sharing! Your whole family is so talented and gifted with writing. I can imagine what your visits are like (read about your sister visiting you recently). Okay, now I've got to try and get off this machine. ;0)
Just thought you might be interested to know that Google Reader is very similar to Bloglines as an RSS feeder, and it doesn't show how many subscriptions a person has. I like my bloglines, but I also like Google Reader - and it's nice not to have those numbers.
Blessings!
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